And I'm Terrified

Will/Mitchell
Punk Rock AU one-shot

Mitchell stood away from the crowd in the club, hands clasped behind his back as he leaned against the wall. People were dancing and drinking and shouting as the band on staged played loudly and Mitchell’s gaze kept landing on the vocalist as the young man belted out song after song. The singer’s platinum blond hair was tinted blue from the stage lights and, if Mitchell were close enough to see, he’d be able to see how the lights brought out an almost otherworldly glow to the young man’s eyes.

He didn’t dare get close though. Not yet. After the incident the other day, he doubted that Will would want to see him. Mitchell had hurt him, pulling the stunt with Nico that he had - and, yeah, that had been his intention, but Mitchell had regretted it almost immediately. He’d done it because he’d been scared of what was beginning to grow between him and Will. He’d seen no other option, except to push the other boy away.

Mitchell hadn’t wanted to get hurt by falling in love, only to fall out of it, the way his parents had been hurt. The divorce had been hardest on Mitchell and he’d never fully recovered from it, watching how his parents strained to keep a civil head on each of their shoulders. He’d stopped believing in love when his mother left and his father tried to overcompensate by trying to buy his son’s love. Mitchell had told himself he’d never let himself get hurt by love.

He’d made it as far as nineteen years old. He’d been fourteen when his parents split and five years was a long time to keep himself from falling in love. He’d let himself run through boys (and one girl before determining, no, he was not bisexual, sorry Lou), one after another, never letting them get close. The closest in a long time had been his roommate, Nico, up until Mitchell had met Will.

Mitchell’s eye had been on Will ever since he’d moved onto the same dormitory floor as Nico and Mitchell. Finding out that the friendly blond medical student was also the vocalist for the local punk rock band, Blue Ichor, had only upped the ante when it came to bets on how long it’d be before Mitchell jumped the other student. It’d been a game to him and he and Nico had teased each other about bagging the members of Blue Ichor. It was just a little fun, Mitchell thought, when he and Will had hooked up in the back of Nico’s car after a show at the Nocturne.

A few days later, he and Will had met and hooked up again.

And again, a few days after that.

And then Will had the audacity to asked Mitchell out on a date and they’d spent the day hitting the city, checking out urban art, indie music shops, and having lunch at an Indian restaurant tucked back in the corner of a neighborhood of the kind of shops that would fill a hipster’s wet dream.

Rumors started on Twitter. For a local band, it turned out that Blue Ichor was pretty popular and Will had a good following on Twitter. Fans of the band had picked up on Mitchell and started spreading rumors of the two of them actually being an item. One particularly emphatic fan had asked if Will was in love and the older teen - Will was ten months older than Mitchell, turns out - had given a vague, but positive response.

And that was when Mitchell had realized how deep he was in with Will. Nico pointed it out first, teasing Mitchell about being in love with the singer, and Mitchell brushed it off as nonsense. But as he looked back on it, Mitchell knew that Nico was right and it had him in a near panic. The next time he saw Will, Mitchell had grabbed Nico and kissed the younger teen in front of Will.

Will had turned away without a word and Mitchell had been relieved.

Then Will stopped talking to him. Completely. Will didn’t send him texts or greet him in passing. Mitchell ran into Will when the older teen was visiting Cecil, who lived in the dorm next to Mitchell and Nico, and Will barely even glanced at him.

The panic that had filled Mitchell turned from his own fear of falling in love into a new fear - that he’d ruined the best thing that would ever happen to him.

“I have to fix this,” he’d told Nico earlier that evening, before he left for the club that Blue Ichor was playing at. He didn’t have a plan. He was just going to go and face Will, tell him the truth, and see if there was any way he’d get a second chance.

As the band finished their set, Mitchell moved from the wall he’d been leaning against and made his way through the crowd, to the backstage area. The rest of the group was already packing up, ready to go mingle with the crowd and enjoy the next group’s set. Will was going over the set list with a pen, his own guitar propped up against a table, instead of packed away. Mitchell bit his lip and moved over to the older teen.

“H-hey, Will.” Mitchell’s voice shook as he spoke, more nervous now than he recalled being at his high school graduation. “I know you’re…you’re probably still mad about what happened, but - ”

Will stood up and Mitchell almost stepped back, afraid that Will was going to walk away. The other teen just turned and caught hold of Mitchell’s hand. “Follow me.”

Mitchell nodded and silently let Will lead him away from the stage, out the back door of the club and into the relative quiet of the back street. Will let him go after they stepped out.

“Sorry. It’s a little crowded in there and we need to talk without being interrupted.”

Mitchell gave another nod. “Y-yeah. I - “

"Why?” Will asked, cutting him off. “Mitchell, why did you come back? I thought you made things clear when you kissed Nico.”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain!” Mitchell told him. He let his hands falls to the hem of his shirt, fingers absently picking at the seam, breaking a thread that he began to pull at. “I didn’t…I kissed him because I…” Mitchell closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Will, I think I’m in love with you and…I’m terrified of it.”

Will arched a brow at him. “What do you mean?”

“I…My parents divorced when I was fourteen and…it hurt a lot to see them fall out of love. It wasn’t violent, but it cut them both deeply. It scared me how much they were both hurt and I…I don’t want to get hurt like that. I don’t want to have my heart broken like that.”

“So you’ll just break mine, instead?”

“No!” Mitchell looked up at Will. “No. Will. I’m so sorry! I didn’t…I mean, I did do it to break your heart, but I…I made a huge mistake. I don’t want to lose you.”

Silence fell between them. Mitchell’s throat burned and his eyes stung from tears that were gathering in his eyes. He hadn’t cried in a long time, especially not in front of someone. He dropped his gaze and pulled at his hem again, tearing out the seam and dropping the thread to the ground.

“Look, if you hate me for what I did, I deserve it,” Mitchell said. He swallowed around the lump in his throat before sucking in a slow breath. “But…I wanted to tell you the truth. I think…no, I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you. And I’m really, really sorry for hurting you.”

He expected Will to walk away. He was sure Will wouldn’t accept his apology and wouldn’t forgive him. He didn’t deserve to have Will forgive him and, though he hoped for a second chance, he didn’t think he deserved that, either.

So when Will brought his hand up to tilt Mitchell’s chin up so they were looking at each other, Mitchell was a little surprised. Then Will was leaning in and lightly pressing their lips together in a slow, but chaste kiss. It didn’t last more than a handful of seconds, but it was enough, and Will broke it just as gently as he’d started it.

"I’m giving you a second chance because I love you,” Will told him. A small smile, just the barest curve of Will’s lips, had Mitchell’s heart pounding in his chest.  “Just don’t mess it up this time, okay?”

“I’ll try not to,” Mitchell promised. He wanted to stay with Will, more than he’d wanted to be with anyone else before. He was willing to try for him. He leaned in and pressed another kiss to Will’s lips. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”

“I won’t.” Will reached for Mitchell’s hands, giving them a light squeeze. “C’mon. Let’s grab my guitar and we’ll go someplace a little more private than a club.”